Sunday, November 22, 2009

thanksgiving.

So I totally screwed this one up. I pushed the "SAVE NOW" button instead of the "PUBLISH POST" button. Classic case of ditzyness from miss Ashley, nothing new. So, here it is a little late. ahahahaha. :)

Its that time of year again. I feel that we are losing the meaning of these holidays. So I'm going to try and bring back the meaning for me and my family at least.

I am thankful for...


-God. He is an almighty God! He is an amazing God! I can't even begin to tell you how we need to thank him everyday for his great blessings that he has given us. I'm not here to preach, so I just hope that you take a minute and tell him thank you this Thursday.


-My family:
---I am so thankful for my mamma, she is the most amazing, strong, beautiful woman I know. I wouldn't be where I am today if it wasn't for her. I honestly don't have words to describe how I feel about my mom. It brings me to tears when I think about all she's done for me and her love for me and my brother, Skylar.
---My dad and Nikki, we've had our ups and downs but I know they will always love me and be supportive of me. They are such wonderful parents, very different from my mom, but still wonderful. I know I haven't been doing very good showing them that I love them, but I am really going to try and change that.
---My 'other dad', Rob, this man has taught me so much about life. He's taught me how to live. How to be a good person and to stand up for myself. He's taught me about religion and spirituality. He's taught me about love and relationships. And he stepped in and became a dad when no one asked him to. Thank you Rob, for being such an amazing man and father.
---My little brother Skylar. He's such an amazing boy. It's funny how I can turn to him and just cry and complain to him and he'll just play with my hair until I stop crying. I think he's turning into a wonderful young man, and he's going to make some girl very happy some day. But not any time soon. LOL
---The rest of my brothers and sisters have all helped me so much. They all have their special skills and talents that have touched my heart. So Dena, Will, Tad, Amber, Luke, Sara, Rian, Megan, Erica, and Aaron thank you for being in my life and loving me.
---My grandparents, I love all of them, but there are two in particular that are very dear to me. Kathy and Don Sansone are my inspiration. Because of them I know what love is supposed to be like. I know that it is possible in all this mess to be with someone and love that person forever. And I just want to thank them for the amazing role models they have been for me and the rest of my family I'm sure. They are wonderful parents, wonderful grandparents, wonderful friends, and wonderful mentors. I love you both very very much.
---They have all helped me through so much. I can't ever repay them.


-Scott: He is such an amazing man and I am so lucky to have him in my life. I sure hope I get to keep it that way. LOL But this man is so sweet and compassionate and loving its amazing that I get to love him and be with him. And I am so very thankful that God put us together. I can't even begin to imagine a life without him. He is my rock. He helps me with so much, I know I definitely don't tell him enough so I am going to try and work on that. I am going to tell him at least once a day just so he knows that he is appreciated and loved. Scott, thank you and I love you.


-My friends:
---Jen has been there for me through everything the past 7 years and I couldn't have done it without her. She is truly a wonderful person. And I pray that she can find someone just as wonderful as she is to share her life with and to love her.
---Tyson, where to even begin. LOL We come and go, but I know that if I ever needed ANYTHING I could come to him, and I hope he feels the same about me. I will be here through thick and thin. You are an amazing coffee buddy. ahahaha

sometimes life just seems like chapters of goodbyes.

Ugh. So much is going on right now and I just want it all to stop. I want to just crawl into bed and wake up in a few weeks. There would be snow on the ground, christmas would be right around the corner, and I'd be with my family. The only people I can count on lately. I am so lucky to have them in my life. And I'm so grateful for them. I'm sure I don't say it enough, but I am very grateful for them. I thank God every day for my parents, my brothers and sisters, and the rest of my amazing family.

You know what else would be good? If I could go back a year and do things over. I would do so much different! It's crazy to think of the things you did just 12 months ago thinking they were a good idea. And then when you look back all you can say is; "SHIIIT! I really fucked that up didn't I?" It's so hard to think about things like that though, because you can't do anything to change it. But I guess we can learn from it right? That's what life is all about isn't it? Making mistakes and growing and learning from them?

I have learned something the past couple weeks though. I realized my priorities were all out of whack. God is my first priority. Then my family and loved ones. Then me. I hope I can stick with it.

I am so damn sick of people talking behind my back. Fuck. It's fucking getting old. For real. And most of the people talking shit have a good 5-6 years on me! GROW THE FUCK UP! Seriously. How old are you? Did you get stuck in high school or something. Or are you just so bored with your life that you need to talk about mine?

Right now i wish i had my mother's strength to just say fuck it to everything. I'm not as strong as her though, not even close. I hope that one day i can be. What happened to the mean little bitch i used to be in high school who didn't give two shits about anybody or what they said? where did that girl go? I'd like for her to come back now please.

I wish crying made everything better. I wish it washed all the bad stuff away.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Happy Happy Day!!!



Things finally seem to be going my way! I got a new job and put in my two weeks at roosters. So I only have 3 Saturdays left and I'm done there. It couldn't have come at a better time! :D



Wannetta and I are going to see the MJ movie on Sunday and I'm super excited! Scott doesn't want to go with me, suprise suprise. I've noticed if I want to go see a movie I just have to go with someone else. LOL Which is fine with me, I just wish he was with us. But it's ok, it's just a movie.



And I got an e-mail from Elder Christian Austin Tallman!! I only have to say that for a few more days. I'm going up to Idaho on the 8th to see him and couldn't be happier or more excited! But I have no idea where the church is or what time. ugh. I have to figure that shit out. And to top it off, that's Jen's birthday. So when I get home we're gonna party! :D Whoot Whoot.



I finally got Scott and Sky together to get my parent's christmas presents together. I love the way it's turning out so far. Just need a little money now and everything will be complete. :D

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

OCTOBER

I love this month. It's been a little rough for me but I still have that silver lining of carving pumpkins with my family and then again with Steve, Mindy, and Dylan. I can't wait. And we've had Tyler the past few days which has been wonderful. :D I absolutely love that little boy. I am a little sad that he has to go home so soon, but he'll be back soon. :D

And then of course I have Halloween to look forward to. I wasn't excited at first, but I have changed my mind. And hopefully Tyson will come play with us. That would complete my night! My love and my 2 best friends with me. :D I wonder what he's decided on... I hope its a 'Wild Thing' from the movie. Scott and I are going to have to go get his costume here pretty soon. I'm being a flapper girl, the same as last year. But I figured its ok because I wore it for like 2 maybe 3 hours. And then I want Scott to be a mobster, but who knows. Jen is going to be a daisy-bug instead of a lady bug. It's cute, she showed it to me the other night when I was at her house. Hopefully PT will be joining us, but you can't be for sure with that boy. :(

The week after Halloween my good friend Christian Austin Tallman will be coming home from his mission and I'm so excited! Only 15 more days. I realize that I won't be able to see him in 15 days, but hopefully he'll have his homecoming soon after, or he'll call me a day or so when he gets home! :D That would be wonderful!

Annd Meggy is coming home for Thanksgiving!!!!!!!!!!!! She's bringing her boyfriend Chris, I've never met him and I'm really excited to finally get the chance. :D

I'm trying really hard to have a positive out look on life. When I do that, the job issue doesn't seem like such a big deal. Except when it comes to Christmas. :( I'm barley making enough money to pay my bills, I definitely can't afford Christmas presents. Hopefully something will happen...

Can't wait for the next few weeks. Trying to stay positive. :D

Thursday, October 15, 2009

ksl.com - LDS apostle says religious freedom is under attack

ksl.com - LDS apostle says religious freedom is under attack

Shared via AddThis


I need to think about this issue a bit more before I start rambling about how I feel...

Sunday, October 11, 2009

hate crimes

Take a few minutes to read these news articles. Tell me what you think. Personally, I am so happy to hear that Obama wants to sign this bill for hate crimes on gays. I think it is a big turning point in history. And definitely the right turn for America. :D

WASHINGTON (CNN) -- Judy Shepard stood before a massive crowd at the Capitol on Sunday for a single, painful reason.

"I'm here today because I lost my son to hate."

Her gay son, Matthew Shepard, was kidnapped and severely beaten in October 1998. He died five days later in a hospital.

More than 10 years later, Judy Shepard addressed the thousands of gay rights activists in Washington who wrapped up Sunday's National Equality March with a rousing rally at the Capitol.

"No one has the right to tell my son whether or not he can work anywhere. Whether or not he can live wherever he wants to live and whether or not he can be with the one person he loves -- no one has that right," Judy Shepard told the crowd. "We are all Americans. We are all equal Americans, gay, straight or whatever."

The activists marched through Washington, calling for an end to the "don't ask, don't tell" policy and equality in marriage.

The National Equality March coincided with National Coming Out Day, and came a day after President Obama delivered a supportive speech to the nation's largest gay and lesbian rights group.

Obama was praised for his remarks to the Human Rights Campaign, where he said he has urged congress to repeal the Defense of Marriage Act and to pass the Domestic Partners Benefit and Obligations Act. But Obama has also been criticized by gay rights activists who say he has put those issues -- and the Pentagon's "don't ask, don't tell" policy, which bans homosexuals from openly serving in the military -- on the back burner.

"Obama, I know you are listening," pop star Lady Gaga told the crowd, before shouting, "Are you listening? We will continue to push you and your administration to bring your words of promise to a reality."

Shepard told the crowd she was confident in Obama's pledge, but that the activists could also play a critical role by contacting their congressional representatives and voting for politicians who support their cause.

Legislation bearing her son's name was passed in the House this week. It expands the definition of hate crimes to include attacks based on sexual orientation and gender identity. The legislation is awaiting a Senate vote.

"I can announce that after more than a decade this bill is set to pass and I will sign it into law," Obama said Saturday."

At the Capitol on Sunday, the participants spilled from the western front of the building, where a podium was set up, onto Pennsylvania Avenue. There was no official estimate of the size of the crowd.

Christine Quinn, the first openly lesbian speaker of the New York City Council, said she had one request for lawmakers at all levels across the country.

"Look me in the eye and tell me I am less of a person than you are," she said. "Look me in the eye and tell me my family is worth less than yours. Look me in the eye and tell me I am not an American. Well you know what, not one person in any of those places can do that, not one of them."

She continued: "So what we're here about today is to start telling the truth and to force the lawmakers from coast to coast and in the nation's capital to make our law books tell the truth."
Although Obama's speech Saturday was supportive of changes in the law to reflect equal rights in marriage and service to the military for homosexuals, given a full plate of other issues at home and abroad facing the administration, it remains unclear how quickly the issues at the center of Sunday's march will be addressed.

Even members of the president's own party are split.

"I've said in the past I don't think that's the way to go," Sen. Bob Casey, D-Pennsylvania, told CNN's John King, referring to the repeal of the Defense of Marriage Act. "We can move forward on a lot of measures, but I'm not sure there's the support yet for that."

"We are gathered here today from all over the U.S., and back home many of us are deeply embroiled in the particular local battles that we are fighting, but today is a national rally and when we walk away from here tonight, we need to walk away with a common national resolve," actor Cynthia Nixon, of "Sex in the City" fame, told the crowd.



WASHINGTON (CNN) -- President Obama delivered a rousing speech Saturday night to the nation's largest gay rights group, praising the gay community for making strides in equal rights and pledging to deliver on major campaign promises that some say he's left on the back burner.

"For nearly 30 years, you've advocated for those without a voice," Obama said during his address at the dinner for the Human Rights Campaign. "Despite the progress we've made, there are still laws to change and hearts to open."

Obama's speech came as gay rights activists continued to lose patience over the lack of change to key issues for the gay community -- including the Pentagon's "don't ask, don't tell" policy. It comes on the eve of a major gays-rights rally in Washington.

"This fight continues now and I'm here with the simple message: I'm here with you in that fight," Obama told the applauding crowd.

The Human Rights Campaign issued a statement praising the speech, saying it was a "historic night when we felt the full embrace and commitment of the president of the United States. It's simply unprecedented."

Obama called for the repeal of the ban on gays in the military -- the "don't ask, don't tell" policy.
"We should not be punishing patriotic Americans who have stepped forward to serve this country," he said. "I'm working with the Pentagon, its leadership and the members of the House and Senate on ending this policy, legislation that has been introduced in the House to make this happen, I will end 'don't ask, don't tell.' That's my commitment to you."

The president said he backed the rights of gay couples, saying they should have the "same rights and responsibilities afforded to any married couple in this country." He said he has urged Congress to repeal the Defense of Marriage Act and to pass the Domestic Partners Benefit and Obligations Act.

Obama also touched on protection against hate crimes, noting that legislation was passed in the House this week that expanded the definition of hate crimes to include attacks based on sexual orientation and gender identity.

"I can announce that after more than a decade, this bill is set to pass and I will sign it into law," he said.

Obama acknowledged the fact that many in the gay community don't believe government is moving fast enough to address their concerns.

"Many of you don't believe progress is happening. I want to be honest about that because it's important to be honest among friends," he said. "I said this before, I'll repeat it again, it's not important for me to tell you to be patient."

Obama said gay people, like other Americans, are affected by myriad concerns -- namely, the economy and the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq -- and stressed that he's focusing on issues that affect the entire nation.

"While some may wish to define you solely by your sexual orientation or identity alone, you know and I know that none of us want to be defined by one part of what makes us whole," he said. "So I know you want me working on jobs and the economy and all of the other issues that we're dealing with."

Still, Obama said, it's imperative that the gay community continue to pursue the policies they support.

"It's so important that you continue to speak out and you continue to set an example and that you continue to press your leaders, including me, and to make the case all across America," he said.

The Human Rights Campaign in its statement praised Obama's pledge that "we will see a time in which we as a nation finally recognize the relationships between two men or two women."

The group said Obama "made it crystal clear that he is our strongest ally in this fight, that he understands and, in fact, encourages our activism and our voice even when we're impatient with the pace of change."

awesome-ness.

"Breaking up and saying, 'We can still be friends' is like your dog dying and your mom saying, 'We can keep it.'"

this is pure genius at work right there ladies and gentlemen.