thanksgiving.

So I totally screwed this one up. I pushed the "SAVE NOW" button instead of the "PUBLISH POST" button. Classic case of ditzyness from miss Ashley, nothing new. So, here it is a little late. ahahahaha. :)

Its that time of year again. I feel that we are losing the meaning of these holidays. So I'm going to try and bring back the meaning for me and my family at least.

I am thankful for...

-God. He is an almighty God! He is an amazing God! I can't even begin to tell you how we need to thank him everyday for his great blessings that he has given us. I'm not here to preach, so I just hope that you take a minute and tell him thank you this Thursday.

-My family:
---I am so thankful for my mamma, she is the most amazing, strong, beautiful woman I know. I wouldn't be where I am today if it wasn't for her. I honestly don't have words to describe how I feel about my mom. It brings me to tears when I think about all she's done for me and her love for me and my brother, Skylar.
---My dad and Nikki, we've had our ups and downs but I know they will always love me and be supportive of me. They are such wonderful parents, very different from my mom, but still wonderful. I know I haven't been doing very good showing them that I love them, but I am really going to try and change that.
---My 'other dad', Rob, this man has taught me so much about life. He's taught me how to live. How to be a good person and to stand up for myself. He's taught me about religion and spirituality. He's taught me about love and relationships. And he stepped in and became a dad when no one asked him to. Thank you Rob, for being such an amazing man and father.
---My little brother Skylar. He's such an amazing boy. It's funny how I can turn to him and just cry and complain to him and he'll just play with my hair until I stop crying. I think he's turning into a wonderful young man, and he's going to make some girl very happy some day. But not any time soon. LOL
---The rest of my brothers and sisters have all helped me so much. They all have their special skills and talents that have touched my heart. So Dena, Will, Tad, Amber, Luke, Sara, Rian, Megan, Erica, and Aaron thank you for being in my life and loving me.
---My grandparents, I love all of them, but there are two in particular that are very dear to me. Kathy and Don Sansone are my inspiration. Because of them I know what love is supposed to be like. I know that it is possible in all this mess to be with someone and love that person forever. And I just want to thank them for the amazing role models they have been for me and the rest of my family I'm sure. They are wonderful parents, wonderful grandparents, wonderful friends, and wonderful mentors. I love you both very very much.
---They have all helped me through so much. I can't ever repay them.

-Scott: He is such an amazing man and I am so lucky to have him in my life. I sure hope I get to keep it that way. LOL But this man is so sweet and compassionate and loving its amazing that I get to love him and be with him. And I am so very thankful that God put us together. I can't even begin to imagine a life without him. He is my rock. He helps me with so much, I know I definitely don't tell him enough so I am going to try and work on that. I am going to tell him at least once a day just so he knows that he is appreciated and loved. Scott, thank you and I love you.

-My friends:
---Jen has been there for me through everything the past 7 years and I couldn't have done it without her. She is truly a wonderful person. And I pray that she can find someone just as wonderful as she is to share her life with and to love her.
---Tyson, where to even begin. LOL We come and go, but I know that if I ever needed ANYTHING I could come to him, and I hope he feels the same about me. I will be here through thick and thin. You are an amazing coffee buddy. ahahaha

sometimes life just seems like chapters of goodbyes.

Ugh. So much is going on right now and I just want it all to stop. I want to just crawl into bed and wake up in a few weeks. There would be snow on the ground, christmas would be right around the corner, and I'd be with my family. The only people I can count on lately. I am so lucky to have them in my life. And I'm so grateful for them. I'm sure I don't say it enough, but I am very grateful for them. I thank God every day for my parents, my brothers and sisters, and the rest of my amazing family.

You know what else would be good? If I could go back a year and do things over. I would do so much different! It's crazy to think of the things you did just 12 months ago thinking they were a good idea. And then when you look back all you can say is; "SHIIIT! I really fucked that up didn't I?" It's so hard to think about things like that though, because you can't do anything to change it. But I guess we can learn from it right? That's what life is all about isn't it? Making mistakes and growing and learning from them?

I have learned something the past couple weeks though. I realized my priorities were all out of whack. God is my first priority. Then my family and loved ones. Then me. I hope I can stick with it.

I am so damn sick of people talking behind my back. Fuck. It's fucking getting old. For real. And most of the people talking shit have a good 5-6 years on me! GROW THE FUCK UP! Seriously. How old are you? Did you get stuck in high school or something. Or are you just so bored with your life that you need to talk about mine?

Right now i wish i had my mother's strength to just say fuck it to everything. I'm not as strong as her though, not even close. I hope that one day i can be. What happened to the mean little bitch i used to be in high school who didn't give two shits about anybody or what they said? where did that girl go? I'd like for her to come back now please.

I wish crying made everything better. I wish it washed all the bad stuff away.