grow up already.

I wonder when people really grow up.

When does it become official?

And who says so?

Is it the said person that grows up who says when is when?
Is it their family?
Is it their friends?
Is it their lover?

Or is it an age?
Is someone really an adult when then turn 18?
19?
21?
Or can they become grown up before they are 18?

Is it all situational?
Or is it the same for everyone?

Is there some defining moment that has to happen?
Or is it a string of events?

I'm just so confused right now.



Some one please help me figure this out. :(

Special Pleading

You'll Hear it As:

"I know I was a heroin addict, but this is different. It's meth."

How It Screws Us:

Although it sounds like what you'll need to do to get your significant other to, just this once, try on a rubber hood and call you "Duke," Special Pleading is actually when we allow something to be an exception to a rule, for no logical reason.

In every day life, people use Special Pleading to make them feel less guilty about doing shitty things. When someone else eats the last doughnut, they're a classless motherfucker who deserves to rot in Hell; when you or a friend does it, it's because you were really hungry and you've had a bad day and you didn't get any doughnuts the last time. Special Pleading is the lettuce in mankind's hypocrisy salad.

We'll slow down with the food references, now.

It Gets Worse...

You don't need us to point out examples of hypocrisy, from cops who won't write traffic tickets to other cops, to politicians who talk about how important the public school system is while putting their own kids in a exclusive private schools.

What's interesting is how everyone excuses it in their own mind.

You can't find anyone who simply says, "The rules don't apply to us because we're awesome!" Thanks to Special Pleading, there are elaborate mental gymnastics that happen inside them that eliminate even their feelings of guilt. And the thing is, sometimes they're right; you did call your boss a motherfucker because you were having a bad day. You do have bad habits due to your childhood upbringing. You were abrupt with your girlfriend because you were running late.

But what's strange is we don't let anyone else have those excuses. The girl behind the counter at Starbucks wasn't rude because she was having a bad day. She's just a bitch. The kid at Best Buy wasn't just clueless about the return policy, he was intentionally evil and trying to steal your money. Some of us have held grudges for years, based on actions by someone else that we've forgiven ourselves for doing countless times.

They might as well call it the "This Is Why The World Seems to be Full of Dicks" fallacy.

thanksgiving.

So I totally screwed this one up. I pushed the "SAVE NOW" button instead of the "PUBLISH POST" button. Classic case of ditzyness from miss Ashley, nothing new. So, here it is a little late. ahahahaha. :)

Its that time of year again. I feel that we are losing the meaning of these holidays. So I'm going to try and bring back the meaning for me and my family at least.

I am thankful for...

-God. He is an almighty God! He is an amazing God! I can't even begin to tell you how we need to thank him everyday for his great blessings that he has given us. I'm not here to preach, so I just hope that you take a minute and tell him thank you this Thursday.

-My family:
---I am so thankful for my mamma, she is the most amazing, strong, beautiful woman I know. I wouldn't be where I am today if it wasn't for her. I honestly don't have words to describe how I feel about my mom. It brings me to tears when I think about all she's done for me and her love for me and my brother, Skylar.
---My dad and Nikki, we've had our ups and downs but I know they will always love me and be supportive of me. They are such wonderful parents, very different from my mom, but still wonderful. I know I haven't been doing very good showing them that I love them, but I am really going to try and change that.
---My 'other dad', Rob, this man has taught me so much about life. He's taught me how to live. How to be a good person and to stand up for myself. He's taught me about religion and spirituality. He's taught me about love and relationships. And he stepped in and became a dad when no one asked him to. Thank you Rob, for being such an amazing man and father.
---My little brother Skylar. He's such an amazing boy. It's funny how I can turn to him and just cry and complain to him and he'll just play with my hair until I stop crying. I think he's turning into a wonderful young man, and he's going to make some girl very happy some day. But not any time soon. LOL
---The rest of my brothers and sisters have all helped me so much. They all have their special skills and talents that have touched my heart. So Dena, Will, Tad, Amber, Luke, Sara, Rian, Megan, Erica, and Aaron thank you for being in my life and loving me.
---My grandparents, I love all of them, but there are two in particular that are very dear to me. Kathy and Don Sansone are my inspiration. Because of them I know what love is supposed to be like. I know that it is possible in all this mess to be with someone and love that person forever. And I just want to thank them for the amazing role models they have been for me and the rest of my family I'm sure. They are wonderful parents, wonderful grandparents, wonderful friends, and wonderful mentors. I love you both very very much.
---They have all helped me through so much. I can't ever repay them.

-Scott: He is such an amazing man and I am so lucky to have him in my life. I sure hope I get to keep it that way. LOL But this man is so sweet and compassionate and loving its amazing that I get to love him and be with him. And I am so very thankful that God put us together. I can't even begin to imagine a life without him. He is my rock. He helps me with so much, I know I definitely don't tell him enough so I am going to try and work on that. I am going to tell him at least once a day just so he knows that he is appreciated and loved. Scott, thank you and I love you.

-My friends:
---Jen has been there for me through everything the past 7 years and I couldn't have done it without her. She is truly a wonderful person. And I pray that she can find someone just as wonderful as she is to share her life with and to love her.
---Tyson, where to even begin. LOL We come and go, but I know that if I ever needed ANYTHING I could come to him, and I hope he feels the same about me. I will be here through thick and thin. You are an amazing coffee buddy. ahahaha

sometimes life just seems like chapters of goodbyes.

Ugh. So much is going on right now and I just want it all to stop. I want to just crawl into bed and wake up in a few weeks. There would be snow on the ground, christmas would be right around the corner, and I'd be with my family. The only people I can count on lately. I am so lucky to have them in my life. And I'm so grateful for them. I'm sure I don't say it enough, but I am very grateful for them. I thank God every day for my parents, my brothers and sisters, and the rest of my amazing family.

You know what else would be good? If I could go back a year and do things over. I would do so much different! It's crazy to think of the things you did just 12 months ago thinking they were a good idea. And then when you look back all you can say is; "SHIIIT! I really fucked that up didn't I?" It's so hard to think about things like that though, because you can't do anything to change it. But I guess we can learn from it right? That's what life is all about isn't it? Making mistakes and growing and learning from them?

I have learned something the past couple weeks though. I realized my priorities were all out of whack. God is my first priority. Then my family and loved ones. Then me. I hope I can stick with it.

I am so damn sick of people talking behind my back. Fuck. It's fucking getting old. For real. And most of the people talking shit have a good 5-6 years on me! GROW THE FUCK UP! Seriously. How old are you? Did you get stuck in high school or something. Or are you just so bored with your life that you need to talk about mine?

Right now i wish i had my mother's strength to just say fuck it to everything. I'm not as strong as her though, not even close. I hope that one day i can be. What happened to the mean little bitch i used to be in high school who didn't give two shits about anybody or what they said? where did that girl go? I'd like for her to come back now please.

I wish crying made everything better. I wish it washed all the bad stuff away.

Happy Happy Day!!!

Things finally seem to be going my way! I got a new job and put in my two weeks at roosters. So I only have 3 Saturdays left and I'm done there. It couldn't have come at a better time! :D

Wannetta and I are going to see the MJ movie on Sunday and I'm super excited! Scott doesn't want to go with me, suprise suprise. I've noticed if I want to go see a movie I just have to go with someone else. LOL Which is fine with me, I just wish he was with us. But it's ok, it's just a movie.

And I got an e-mail from Elder Christian Austin Tallman!! I only have to say that for a few more days. I'm going up to Idaho on the 8th to see him and couldn't be happier or more excited! But I have no idea where the church is or what time. ugh. I have to figure that shit out. And to top it off, that's Jen's birthday. So when I get home we're gonna party! :D Whoot Whoot.

I finally got Scott and Sky together to get my parent's christmas presents together. I love the way it's turning out so far. Just need a little money now and everything will be complete. :D

OCTOBER

I love this month. It's been a little rough for me but I still have that silver lining of carving pumpkins with my family and then again with Steve, Mindy, and Dylan. I can't wait. And we've had Tyler the past few days which has been wonderful. :D I absolutely love that little boy. I am a little sad that he has to go home so soon, but he'll be back soon. :D

And then of course I have Halloween to look forward to. I wasn't excited at first, but I have changed my mind. And hopefully Tyson will come play with us. That would complete my night! My love and my 2 best friends with me. :D I wonder what he's decided on... I hope its a 'Wild Thing' from the movie. Scott and I are going to have to go get his costume here pretty soon. I'm being a flapper girl, the same as last year. But I figured its ok because I wore it for like 2 maybe 3 hours. And then I want Scott to be a mobster, but who knows. Jen is going to be a daisy-bug instead of a lady bug. It's cute, she showed it to me the other night when I was at her house. Hopefully PT will be joining us, but you can't be for sure with that boy. :(

The week after Halloween my good friend Christian Austin Tallman will be coming home from his mission and I'm so excited! Only 15 more days. I realize that I won't be able to see him in 15 days, but hopefully he'll have his homecoming soon after, or he'll call me a day or so when he gets home! :D That would be wonderful!

Annd Meggy is coming home for Thanksgiving!!!!!!!!!!!! She's bringing her boyfriend Chris, I've never met him and I'm really excited to finally get the chance. :D

I'm trying really hard to have a positive out look on life. When I do that, the job issue doesn't seem like such a big deal. Except when it comes to Christmas. :( I'm barley making enough money to pay my bills, I definitely can't afford Christmas presents. Hopefully something will happen...

Can't wait for the next few weeks. Trying to stay positive. :D

ksl.com - LDS apostle says religious freedom is under attack

ksl.com - LDS apostle says religious freedom is under attack

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I need to think about this issue a bit more before I start rambling about how I feel...

hate crimes

Take a few minutes to read these news articles. Tell me what you think. Personally, I am so happy to hear that Obama wants to sign this bill for hate crimes on gays. I think it is a big turning point in history. And definitely the right turn for America. :D

WASHINGTON (CNN) -- Judy Shepard stood before a massive crowd at the Capitol on Sunday for a single, painful reason.

"I'm here today because I lost my son to hate."

Her gay son, Matthew Shepard, was kidnapped and severely beaten in October 1998. He died five days later in a hospital.

More than 10 years later, Judy Shepard addressed the thousands of gay rights activists in Washington who wrapped up Sunday's National Equality March with a rousing rally at the Capitol.

"No one has the right to tell my son whether or not he can work anywhere. Whether or not he can live wherever he wants to live and whether or not he can be with the one person he loves -- no one has that right," Judy Shepard told the crowd. "We are all Americans. We are all equal Americans, gay, straight or whatever."

The activists marched through Washington, calling for an end to the "don't ask, don't tell" policy and equality in marriage.

The National Equality March coincided with National Coming Out Day, and came a day after President Obama delivered a supportive speech to the nation's largest gay and lesbian rights group.

Obama was praised for his remarks to the Human Rights Campaign, where he said he has urged congress to repeal the Defense of Marriage Act and to pass the Domestic Partners Benefit and Obligations Act. But Obama has also been criticized by gay rights activists who say he has put those issues -- and the Pentagon's "don't ask, don't tell" policy, which bans homosexuals from openly serving in the military -- on the back burner.

"Obama, I know you are listening," pop star Lady Gaga told the crowd, before shouting, "Are you listening? We will continue to push you and your administration to bring your words of promise to a reality."

Shepard told the crowd she was confident in Obama's pledge, but that the activists could also play a critical role by contacting their congressional representatives and voting for politicians who support their cause.

Legislation bearing her son's name was passed in the House this week. It expands the definition of hate crimes to include attacks based on sexual orientation and gender identity. The legislation is awaiting a Senate vote.

"I can announce that after more than a decade this bill is set to pass and I will sign it into law," Obama said Saturday."

At the Capitol on Sunday, the participants spilled from the western front of the building, where a podium was set up, onto Pennsylvania Avenue. There was no official estimate of the size of the crowd.

Christine Quinn, the first openly lesbian speaker of the New York City Council, said she had one request for lawmakers at all levels across the country.

"Look me in the eye and tell me I am less of a person than you are," she said. "Look me in the eye and tell me my family is worth less than yours. Look me in the eye and tell me I am not an American. Well you know what, not one person in any of those places can do that, not one of them."

She continued: "So what we're here about today is to start telling the truth and to force the lawmakers from coast to coast and in the nation's capital to make our law books tell the truth."
Although Obama's speech Saturday was supportive of changes in the law to reflect equal rights in marriage and service to the military for homosexuals, given a full plate of other issues at home and abroad facing the administration, it remains unclear how quickly the issues at the center of Sunday's march will be addressed.

Even members of the president's own party are split.

"I've said in the past I don't think that's the way to go," Sen. Bob Casey, D-Pennsylvania, told CNN's John King, referring to the repeal of the Defense of Marriage Act. "We can move forward on a lot of measures, but I'm not sure there's the support yet for that."

"We are gathered here today from all over the U.S., and back home many of us are deeply embroiled in the particular local battles that we are fighting, but today is a national rally and when we walk away from here tonight, we need to walk away with a common national resolve," actor Cynthia Nixon, of "Sex in the City" fame, told the crowd.



WASHINGTON (CNN) -- President Obama delivered a rousing speech Saturday night to the nation's largest gay rights group, praising the gay community for making strides in equal rights and pledging to deliver on major campaign promises that some say he's left on the back burner.

"For nearly 30 years, you've advocated for those without a voice," Obama said during his address at the dinner for the Human Rights Campaign. "Despite the progress we've made, there are still laws to change and hearts to open."

Obama's speech came as gay rights activists continued to lose patience over the lack of change to key issues for the gay community -- including the Pentagon's "don't ask, don't tell" policy. It comes on the eve of a major gays-rights rally in Washington.

"This fight continues now and I'm here with the simple message: I'm here with you in that fight," Obama told the applauding crowd.

The Human Rights Campaign issued a statement praising the speech, saying it was a "historic night when we felt the full embrace and commitment of the president of the United States. It's simply unprecedented."

Obama called for the repeal of the ban on gays in the military -- the "don't ask, don't tell" policy.
"We should not be punishing patriotic Americans who have stepped forward to serve this country," he said. "I'm working with the Pentagon, its leadership and the members of the House and Senate on ending this policy, legislation that has been introduced in the House to make this happen, I will end 'don't ask, don't tell.' That's my commitment to you."

The president said he backed the rights of gay couples, saying they should have the "same rights and responsibilities afforded to any married couple in this country." He said he has urged Congress to repeal the Defense of Marriage Act and to pass the Domestic Partners Benefit and Obligations Act.

Obama also touched on protection against hate crimes, noting that legislation was passed in the House this week that expanded the definition of hate crimes to include attacks based on sexual orientation and gender identity.

"I can announce that after more than a decade, this bill is set to pass and I will sign it into law," he said.

Obama acknowledged the fact that many in the gay community don't believe government is moving fast enough to address their concerns.

"Many of you don't believe progress is happening. I want to be honest about that because it's important to be honest among friends," he said. "I said this before, I'll repeat it again, it's not important for me to tell you to be patient."

Obama said gay people, like other Americans, are affected by myriad concerns -- namely, the economy and the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq -- and stressed that he's focusing on issues that affect the entire nation.

"While some may wish to define you solely by your sexual orientation or identity alone, you know and I know that none of us want to be defined by one part of what makes us whole," he said. "So I know you want me working on jobs and the economy and all of the other issues that we're dealing with."

Still, Obama said, it's imperative that the gay community continue to pursue the policies they support.

"It's so important that you continue to speak out and you continue to set an example and that you continue to press your leaders, including me, and to make the case all across America," he said.

The Human Rights Campaign in its statement praised Obama's pledge that "we will see a time in which we as a nation finally recognize the relationships between two men or two women."

The group said Obama "made it crystal clear that he is our strongest ally in this fight, that he understands and, in fact, encourages our activism and our voice even when we're impatient with the pace of change."

awesome-ness.

"Breaking up and saying, 'We can still be friends' is like your dog dying and your mom saying, 'We can keep it.'"

this is pure genius at work right there ladies and gentlemen.

defeated

i just feel defeated. I'm about ready to turn my phone off and get into bed and not come out until Christmas time. LOL

i will fill everyone in on what's been going on...

1-my phone decided to take a sh*t. and its not under warranty because Tito, who bought me the phone, did not buy it at a t-mobile store. so i am S.O.L. but there were some good things that came out of the whole situation. A-my phone isn't entirely broken, just the back light. so i can't really see the screen unless its in direct light at the right angle. LOL but can still get phone calls and blah blah blah. B-the guy at the t-mobile store thought i was cute so he is giving me 15% my bill every month. FYI if you know someone who works at t-mobile through October 4 they are doing this deal where you get 15% off your bill. C-they said i could 'upgrade' to a new phone for $99 but would have to sign a 2-yr contract. and there is a problem with that because Scott and i are planning on getting new phones if Feb. when both of our contracts are up. D-i did go into t-mobile all by myself. I'm pretty proud of myself for doing that to be honest with you. sh*t like that doesn't happen very often. i normally have a panic attack and need someone to either come with me or just take care of it. bleh. i have no idea what to do.

2-Tito lost his job. so that gives me something else to worry about, even though i know i shouldn't worry about it. we still have bills together. and that's what stresses me out. i hope that everything works out for him. but i do have some good news concerning T, his clothing business is finally up and running. its actually running well enough that there is a guy who works at teasers who is going to invest in Tito's clothing line and then sell the shirts at teasers until December. and all the profits go to charity. which is way cool. :D and Tito is thinking about going back to school. i didn't ask if he meant he was going to finish hair school, which would be cool, or go to college, which would also be cool.

3-i have been having dreams about an ex of mine a lot lately. and normally they are bad dreams, but not all of these are bad. some of them are just weird. like the one i had last night went something like this......i was driving my cute little Saturn and he was driving his acura, even though he's has at least 2 cars since that one, and we just drove along side each other. he waved, i was shocked, then waved back because he just kept waving at me, and then we just drove. it was very odd. i don't know why I'm having these dreams but i don't like them. i don't like waking up thinking about him. whether it be good, bad, or just neutral. it makes me very uncomfortable and i wish they would stop. hmm, i wonder how to get dreams to stop. I'll have to look that up.

4-I'm bummed out because i was so excited for Halloween and now i could honestly care less. there isn't anyone really that i want to hang out with, I'd be fine just sitting at home or going to work. which is crazy for me because it's my favorite holiday. :(

5-oh and 1 last thing, i haven't seen Jen very much, which always puts me in a blah mood. but thankfully she's coming over tonight. i can't wait. i have no idea what we are going to do, but i honestly doesn't matter. we can just sit and home, just the 2 of us an it can be fun. LOL :D

well, that's all for now. I'll fill you in some more later, I'm tired of staring at this computer screen. I'm going to fix myself a rum and coke and go lay in bed until Jen calls.

I thought the world of them

So I am reading this book called 'Boy Meets Boy' by David Levithan. It is so good, a little strange but good. The back is what really made me want to get it. It describes the book and then at the bottom it says three wonderful sentences.....
"LOVE MEETS LOVE.
CONFUSION MEETS CLARITY.
BOY MEETS BOY."

I am about half way through it and came upon this paragraph.."I find myself thinking back to somthing I saw on the local news about a year ago. A teen football player had dies in a car accident. The cameras showed all his friends after the funeral--these big hulking guys, all in tears, saying, "Iloved him. We all loved him so much." I started crying, too, and I wondered if these guys had told the football player they loved him while he was alive, or wherther it was only with death that this strange word, love, could be used. I vowed then and there that i would never hesitate to speak up to the people I loved. They deserved to know they gave meaning to my life. They deserved to know I thought the world of them."

I feel everyone should life their life by this idea. Don't ever let it be too late to tell someone you love them. Make sure they know. :D

update

guess i'll send everyone out there in cyber space an update on my life since i haven't talk to any of you for a while....

-my mom finally put in a change of address for me. so i guess it's 'for real' now, even though it's been for real for a long time. if that makes any sense.

-scott and i are doing really good. :D not a whole lot of drama going on, which is very nice. the only time there's drama is when i'm bein a stupid lil girl. ahaha so i'm shocked there isn't more drama. LOL he's been super busy with school lately but its ok, i'm getting used to it. :D

-work has been bareable. there hasn't been much drama there either, but i'm not there much either. and i don't really hangout with the ones that were causing the drama.

-i'm still looking for a new job. yesterday i applied at dillards. and the other day i applied for starbucks and a couple grounds for coffee around ogden. and on monday i'm going to apply at focus or teleperformance. maybe discover. so hopefully something comes through. fingers crossed. :D

-my ears are finally guaged up to 5/8" and i want them bigger... don't really know what scott thinks about that. actually i know what he thinks, he wouldn't like it. so i guess i'm done gauging. maybe i'll go get something else pierced. i've been thinking about my belly and my monroe. or my nose. :D

-last saturday we went to octoberfest with scott's parents, bob and wannetta, it was pretty fun. i don't really talk a whole lot when they're around but its because they are so loud and over powering. but its all good.
we're going to octoberfest again on sunday if anyone wants to join. this time we're going with my mamma and chris. so it should be a good time. :D i'm looking forward to it.

well, i have to get going to work. so i'll get at you all later.
<3

biracial and multiracial

I am watching Tyra right now and its about biracial and multi racial people.
There is this boy who is half African American and half Hispanic. He is so angry for being half Mexican. Its so frustrating that there are people like this. He is hurting his mom. He is sitting there on stage calling black people 'ghetto' and Mexican people as 'low class' which is so crazy to me.
Kimberly Locke is a special guest on the show today and said something I really liked. She said "everyone in this room has experienced some sort of racism, but you just need to get over it. Hold your head up high and move on." I completely agree with her. Just because something has happened to you, or you have learned some sort racial stereotype does not mean you have any right to act like this. Just because you had a bad experience with one isolated experience doesn't mean you should hate everyone of that race. If that was the case you wouldn't like anyone.
I wonder if these people realize how much they are hurting their parents. They are rejecting that one side of themselves. I feel so bad for their parents. They are rejecting that side that made them. wow. Crazy.

life lessons

Written By Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I've ever written. My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:"
1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
25. Frame every so-called disaster with these words ''In five years, will this matter?".
26. Always choose life.
27. Forgive everyone everything.
28. What other people think of you is none of your business.
29. Time heals almost everything. Give time, time.
30.. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
31. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
32. Believe in miracles.
33. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
34. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
35. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
36. Your children get only one childhood.
37. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
38. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
39. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
40. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
41. The best is yet to come.
42. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
43. Yield.4
4. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift..

Kanye West

So much to think about...

Scott came home from school this morning and told me there was tons of drama about Kanye West coming on stage during Taylor Swifts acceptance speech and said that she didn't deserve it. So we went onto YouTube and looked it up. Yeah, WOW! Who does he think he is? I added the link to the video so you can check it out. But i was thinkin, Kanye is probably worse off, career wise, than Chris Brown. Damn. ahahahaha
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VfIw0GJEC4Y

After that Beyonce won an award and asked Taylor Swift to com eup on stage so she could finish her acceptance speech. Very cool of her. :D Kudos Beyonce.

dirty words

So there's something that has been brought up a few times lately that just irritates me.

Its calling people dirty names. And I don't mean names like b*tch or b*astard. I mean names that are politically incorrect and racist. Like n*gger, sp*c, j*p, w*tback, and even cr*cker. Who thinks these words are ok? Even if you are just kidding. These words are hurtful and uncalled for. I'm sure most of the people using these words don't even know what they mean. Which I think is bull sh*t. If you are going to insult someone, at least know what you're saying to them.


And what is extremely frustrating is when people of your own race say these names but get upset with someone outside their race says them. By you calling your friends those nasty words gives other people the right to call them and you those same words.


Another thing that frustrates me is older people who think its ok to use these words. I don't know if they feel its ok because they grew up using them, or because their parents used them, or because they just think they are better. It baffles me. I've never been taught using these words were ok. My mother would have slapped me across the face if she ever heard me calling someone any of these names. And mind you, I'm not saying its all old people. I have never heard any of my grandparents use any of those words. Wait, that's a lie. I heard my grandmother use one once, and has never said it again and would smack me if she ever heard me using it. But in her defense the man was a total jack *ss.


Ifyou disagree with me, at least know what you're saying. Hell, leave me a little comment and give me your opinion. Maybe I'm just over reacting because its kind of a personal.



N*gger:
The term nigger is now probably the most offensive word in English. Its degree of offensiveness has increased markedly in recent years, although it has been used in a derogatory manner since at least the Revolutionary War. Definitions 1a, 1b, and 2 represent meanings that are deeply disparaging and are used when the speaker deliberately wishes to cause great offense. Definition 1a, however, is sometimes used among African-Americans in a neutral or familiar way. Definition 3 is not normally considered disparaging—as in “The Irish are the niggers of Europe” from Roddy Doyle's The Commitments—but the other uses are considered contemptuous and hostile.
–noun
1. Slang: Extremely Disparaging and Offensive.
a. a black person.
b. a member of any dark-skinned people.
2. Slang: Extremely Disparaging and Offensive. a person of any race or origin regarded as contemptible, inferior, ignorant, etc.
3. a victim of prejudice similar to that suffered by blacks; a person who is economically, politically, or socially disenfranchised.

W*tback:
noun Disparaging and Offensive.
a Mexican laborer who enters the U.S. illegally, as by wading the Rio Grande.

Sp*c:
noun Slang: Disparaging and Offensive.
a Spanish-American person.

Cr*cker:
Slang: Disparaging and Offensive. a poor white person living in some rural parts of the southeastern U.S.

Sorry if I'm rambling, I just had to get all of this out. ahahaha

bad dreams.

Last night was really awful.
1-my left year lobe is infected so i can't sleep on it. So Scott and I tried sleeping on opposite sides of the bed than we normally do so I could still look at him. Yeah, that didn't last long at all. So we switched back to normal. So sweet of him. :D LOL
2-I was having nightmares all night. About weird stuff too. Normally I have nightmares about things that have happened to me in the past but last night I was having nightmares about losing the ones I loved. Except, they weren't people I am very close with anymore. I had nightmares that Jayson, aka JP, died in my arms. What the hell was that all about? Yeah, I care about him, but not that much. At least not anymore. But the weirdest thing about that dream was that no one was around. Not the parents, not his brothers, none of our friends, it was just the two of us. Which, if anyone knows Jayson and I, was never a good idea. We usually ended up fighting, which is what we did while he was dying. When Scott woke me up I was so sad, I felt like I needed to call him right then and apologize for something. I wasn't, and still aren't, quite sure for what though. The other dream I had was me dying and the only person that was there with me was Tito, and god was I upset that it was him. For some reason I didn't want anything to do with him. I spent my last minutes arguing with him and trying to get him to leave me alone to die in peace. i never would have imagined me saying anything of the sort to T. Sure we've had our times, but I don't hate him. I don't remember a whole lot from that dream but I do remember waking up being so thankful that Scott was the one I was waking up next to. It was such a relieve. I wonder if he knows that? Hmm...I'll have to tell him. If I remember to when he gets home from school. :D Well, I'm off to read some more of that stupid book, 'Morality Tale'. Have a wonderful morning everyone. :D

Are they really the 'good 'ol times'?

I was looking at some pictures on facebook and saw some pictures of my old friends. Both when we were all still hanging out and new ones without me. It made me realize that yes, I do miss them from time to time. I miss how close we all were and how we were like family.

Does everyone else feel like this sometimes? From time to time I feel like I abandoned them, but in a way they abandoned me too. So who's in the wrong for us not being like a family anymore? Is it me for moving on and finding someone new? Or is it them for not forgiving me for finding someone new, who might I add makes me extremely happy. I thought they would want that for me, if not all of them at least my 'best friend'. I try to talk to them from time to time, but its really just small talk. They don't really care what I've been up to and I don't really care what they've been up to. So maybe we're both to blame...

But seeing those pictures also made me realize that I am in such a better place now. Its sad that we all have to grow up and move on sometimes but that's just the way life is. I am so happy with where I am right now (except for the job situation but I'm working on it), and know that I would be stuck in the same old rut if I had stayed where I was 9 months ago. :D

It's nice when you wake up (not literally) one day and see how perfect everything really is. But on the other hand its hard because you, at least I do, feel like you are taking things for granted. I'm really trying to work on that, but its a working progress. One day at a time. :D

Oh, I wanted to share this with you... I am reading this book called "Morality Tale" by Sylvia Brownrigg. The beginning is about this woman who is married to a man with an ex wife and two little boys and how hard it has been for her to play that role. The first hundred pages or so talks about this man she meets, his background, her background, and her husband's background. To me, the woman is having an emotional affair. And in the summary they call her a 'heroine'. That is not heroic to me. She may not have touched this other man yet, but to me, it's still cheating. What do you think? Hmm... I'm baffled. Because some of the people I've talked to about it think it is completely harmless. Maybe I am just changing as I grow up and as I realize what true love is. Or maybe it's just two different opinions. Here are some of this 'heroine's' ideas:
"Nobody wants to be a second wife.....in a country where a divorce occurs every thirty seconds, there will be a sizable number of divorcees getting remarried. Therefore, second wives. If it turns out to be you, if that's the straw you happen to draw--tough luck. You're never going to get the kind of joy you might have hoped for when you walk into a marriage that used to belong to somebody else. it's like moving into a new house that still has half the previous owners furniture in it. You'd like to get rid of the all-plaid living room set, but somehow you're suck with it, forever."
So, it's funny right. But still very very cruel and sad. How could you think this of your marriage/husband.
Here she is talking about how her husband would lie to his then wife about where he was while he was with our 'heroine':
"This was not edifying to watch, though it did provoke reflections on how different adultery must have been in the olden days, when we were not able to track one another with the ruthless precision we have now, chasing our loved ones with queries and ringtones. Trust must have been a great airy balloon in those days, light and round and full of mystery, because the weeks would have long hours in them during which you'd have no expectation of speaking with your spouse or beloved (if these happened to be one and the same person). A few years from now infidelity will be even more of a challenge, as jealous partners the world over will implant chips in the other's wrist so they can monitor his or her geographies on a screen set up in the bedroom."
Now, as true as this is, it still bothers me. I normally read to get away from my own thoughts and to relax for a little bit, but this book is not helping me to relax. Yes, it is a good story, but it's so sad and upsetting. And not in the "Romeo and Juliet" or "The Great Gatsby" kind of sad. It's just not sitting well with me...

WE ALL FALL DOWN former BYU prof., Steven Jones, insists planes were not to blame for 9/11

WE ALL FALL DOWN
The equation for free fall is pretty basic. Drop anything—from a dime to a rock—from a tall building, for example, and once that object hits an acceleration of 9.8 meters per second squared it’s free falling. This equation applies to everything, even buildings.
In the fall of 2005, Brigham Young University professor Steven Jones presented this simple principle in a BYU campus auditorium packed with hundreds of people to illustrate how several of the World Trade Center towers fell too quickly on September 11, 2001, to have only been hit by planes. To reach free-fall speed, Jones explained, the building’s floor supports would have needed to be blown apart. In other words, carnage of 9/11 would have required another catalyst of destruction beyond hijacked planes—an explosive to cause the buildings to implode.
The discussion ran two hours and only ended because students began arriving for a class to be held in the room. Before concluding, Jones asked if anyone was not convinced more investigation was needed. Only one professor raised his hand. “And he tracked me down the next day on campus and told me I changed his mind,” Jones says.
Jones’ speech began his rise as an outspoken skeptic of the official 9/11 report. But, it was also the beginning of the end for his career as a college professor.
Jones and his colleagues theorized that a military-grade explosive called nano-thermite sliced through the building supports and brought down the buildings. Recently, they bolstered their theory with analysis of a mysterious powder collected from around New York City, a powder they asserted in the April 2009 Open Chemical Physics Journal was nano-thermite.
If the theory sounds like bad science fiction, it is because a similar explosive substance, “nanomite,” was used by Cobra (the bad guys) in this summer’s over-the-top action movie, G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra. In the movie, Cobra uses nanomite to disintegrate buildings and national monuments in a cloud of green dust.
Nano-thermite, however, is no green powder from comic book fiction—its actually a red-chip substance that Jones and his researchers have matched specifically to an explosive residue using electron microscopy.
But before Jones recent red-chip research came to fruition, he continued to speak frankly about other pieces of the puzzle: the reported sounds of explosions on 9/11, molten steel at the site, steel beams shooting out horizontally like missiles from the buildings, and the sloppy federal explanations about what happened at World Trade Center 7, the third building that collapsed and the only one that did so without being hit by any planes.
Jones now casually rattles off the official testimony that claimed air defenses were called off and describes suspicious stock deals that netted mysterious individuals billions of dollars in profits from the 9/11 disaster.
“The problem in this country is that we accept one conspiracy theory,” Jones says. “That it was Al Qaeda—that’s the official conspiracy theory. OK, but that doesn’t explain the lack of air defenses that day, it doesn’t explain why World Trade Center 7 came down the way it did, and it doesn’t explain the billions made off these extremely suspicious stock trades. So, there really is a lot of evidence for foul play,” the professor says matter of factly.
Beyond the figures and formulas, perhaps Jones’ most incendiary conclusion is that the explosions were the result of an inside job. Ironically, Jones says his theory is supported by Occam’s razor: the principle that states where there are multiple competing theories, the simplest one is better. For Jones, the simplest theory is that the U.S. government conspired to commit terror on its own citizens and kill thousands in the process. The storm Jones has stirred up speaking out on 9/11 eventually forced him, in 2006, into early retirement from BYU.
Down but not out, the soft-spoken professor continues his controversial research, having created a peer reviewed journal for multidisciplinary 9/11 research. He continues to call for a complete investigation into the events of 9/11. Looking to explain this generation’s Day of Infamy, Jones fights to retain his credibility while fending off criticism from those more-or-less in his own camp for being dismissive of their 9/11 theories—laser bean attacks and holographic planes—all while reconciling his faith with his own controversial work.
Some see the exiled BYU professor as the voice of dissent again the greatest cover-up in American history. Others see a reckless professor with a messiah complex, tilting at windmills that just aren’t there.
BLESS HIS HEART
The small town of Spring City in Sanpete County is a long way from New York City. It is here, in a town dotted with quaint historic buildings, spotty cell phone service and a single gas station, that Jones spends his retirement. On a recent summer day, the town’s greatest drama seems to be an infestation of grasshoppers, dozens of which fly from under the feet of pedestrians sauntering along its sidewalks.
Despite his reputation, Jones’ home looks the way most would imagine a retired BYU professor’s to look. You won’t find images of UFOs or collapsing World Trade Center towers tacked to the walls. Rather, Jones’ living room is homey, adorned with large glossy portraits of family members and LDS Church President Thomas S. Monson. One of Jones’ children finishes practicing the piano in the living room.
A career scientist, Jones, with his quiet paternal wit, reminds one of a seminary teacher, or, again, a retired BYU professor. While Jones is like a walking encyclopedia of disturbing 9/11 facts, the inflection in his voice is not that of tinfoil-hat vitriol against the New World Order. It is the soft-speak of a lifelong Mormon who can’t help but say “bless his heart: when referring to a whistleblower in the Bush administration who claimed former Vice President Dick Cheney ignored warnings of planes headed for the Pentagon.
Jones knows his theories have made him the target of ridicule. In an exasperated chuckle, he talks about trying to convince people his research is not in league with UFO spotting or Bigfoot hunting. But his humor also surfaces in explaining how the explosive residue he and his colleagues discovered was analyzed using X-ray electron dispersive microscopy. “That will be on the quiz,” he says with a chuckle.
Jones’ political views have greatly changed since 9/11. He voted for George W. Bush in 2001, but now he only shakes his head when he reflects on a recent poll where a majority of Americans agreed that torture committed by the Bust administration was wrong but that those who executed the policy shouldn’t be punished.
“If you know something went wrong and you’re not willing to prosecute or have a fair trial and see what went wrong…it’s amazing,” Jones says. “The Constitution is set up with opportunity to petition for redress. That’s what I requested as I was going along with [the 9/11 research]—impeachment—that’s the fair thing to do. But that it was off the table—which means the Constitution is off the table, I guess,” Jones says with a frustrated laugh. “It’s like we recognize that evil was done, but we’re not willing to stop or punish it.”
Since his retirement, Jones continues his work in an online journal that publishes academic works critical of the official 9/11 account, covering air-defense deficiencies, the twin towers, World Trade Center 7 and the nano-thermite research.
To the layperson, Jones’ research boils down to ideas that don’t require much math. His paper cites the account of multiple responders and investigators who observed molten metal’s pooling and bubbling for weeks after 9/11, evidence of chemical reactions consistent with latent reactions to explosive chemicals like nano-thermite.
His research quotes Fox news anchorman at Ground Zero reporting sounds like explosions near the base of the towers. It also presents the physics of how all three buildings happened to collapse at free-fall speeds, straight down into their worn footprints—imploding in the manner of a Las Vegas casino. Which is unusual, Jones points out, because, for the buildings to collapse upon themselves, the central and strongest columns have to go first. If the towers were trees, and the planes truck them like the blow of an ax, rather than the trees falling toward the striking ax, Jones says the official account would have the trees collapsing upon themselves.
Jones and several of his colleagues made some of their most demanding arguments in the article, “Fourteen Points of Agreement with Official Government Reports on the World Trade Center Destruction” in the 2008 Open Civil Engineering Journal, where they highlighted concessions made by federal investigators.
For example, in 2002, the Federal Emergency Management Agency said that “the specifics of the fires in WTC 7 and how they caused the building to collapse remain unknown at this time.” Also, officials from the National Institute of Standards and Technology (NIST) said that, because of “the tremendous energy released by the falling building mass, the building section came down essentially in free fall.”
For Jones, there is only one explanation for what brought about the free-fall speeds of the towers’ collapse: “That’s explosives, on the face of it,” he says. “They don’t deny that, because they didn’t look into it.”
This denial is in response to a question posed by reported Jennifer Abel of the Hartford Advocate, who, in 2008, asked NIST why the agency decided not to search for evidence of explosive residue. In response, the NIST spokesman told her: “If you’re looking for something that isn’t there, you’re wasting your time…and the taxpayer’s money.”
THE RAZOR’S EDGE
The razor of “Occam’s razor” might be thought of as a blade of logic. Where multiple theories compete for a claim to the truth, Occam’s razor lays waste to theories that are too encumbered by assumptions to be true.
In the hands of scientists and investigators, wielding Occam’s razor often ends up like a knife fight. Whether its NIST cutting costs by not searching for explosives or BYU cutting off controversy by giving a professor “early retirement”—the search for truth is combative, bloody and, oftentimes, personal. Jones has been there before, of course. In the ‘80s, Jones delved into another controversial field of research: cold fusion. In 1989, while working for the U.S. Department of Energy on the emergent field of cold fusion research—creating energy fission from room-temperature environments—Jones was asked to peer review the research of Stanley Pons and Martin Fleischmann, two University of Utah researchers who were doing similar research.
Finding certain overlaps in their research, Jones, Pons and Fleischmann agreed to submit their research at the same time. On March 24, 1989, Jones faxed his paper that claimed experiments suggested the possibility of cold fusion to Nature. Pons and Fleischmann, on the other hand, held a press conference and announced that they could create energy equivalent to nuclear fusion within a class jar filled with water.
Soon after this declaration, when the scientific community of the world could not replicate Pons and Fleischmann’s results, the duo’s research was discredited. Perhaps as collateral damage, so was Jones’.
Still, Jones says, his fusion experiments, while offering modest results, are repeatable, unlike the discredited work of Pons and Fleischmann.
“They can say what they want,” Jones says. “It’s science, it’s repeatable. It doesn’t matter if you’re Mormon, atheist, Jewish—you can check it out yourself. You do the experiment, you get the results. That’s the way science works.”
The reliability of science has always appealed to Jones. As a child, Jones’ family traveled throughout the country for his father’s work at Boeing Co. and, later Jet Propulsion Laboratory. Raised as a Mormon, Jones has never felt a conflict between his personal testimony of faith and the universal truth of the scientific process. “It’s not a subtle difference,” Jones says. “Maybe for nonscientists, it is. But for me, those are two completely different areas.”
Still, Jones has not shield away from applying scientific methods to help validate contested LDS beliefs. In the late 1990s Jones used carbon dating on archaeological evidence of a prehistoric horse species that existed in the Americas prior to the arrival of Columbus—a sticking point for LDS detractors who dispute accounts in the Book of Mormon that refer to horses on the continent prior to the arrival of European settlers.
Jones authored an article in 1999 highlighting Mayan artwork that depicted the deity Itzamna with markings on his hands, which Jones argued, were representations of the stigmata. Itzamna had other Christ like parallels, Jones says, such as the ability to heal the sick with his hands, or as a being whom it was believed would someday be resurrected.
On the Website where he presents some of his evidence, Jones concludes the article in a traditional LDS manner by bearing his testimony of truth of the Book of Mormon: “They discoveries have provided me a deeper appreciation of the reality of the resurrection of Jesus and His visit to ‘other sheep’ who heard His voice and saw His wounded hands.”
Jones says the Mayan artwork research was never meant to be a scientific claim but rather was “evidence hoped for.” He has no qualms about it, despite criticism that his research blurred the lines between religion and science. “Some people take any excuse they can to ignore results they don’t like because they don’t like somebody’s religion,” he says. “I’m not going to give up my religion—that’s their problem.”
Its safe to say, then, that religious belief wasn’t a factor in Jones’ “early retirement” from BYU in 2006. When asked about Jones’ retirement, BYU officials would only provide a copy of Jones’ October 2006 Statement: “I am electing to retire so that I can spend more time speaking and conduction research of my own choosing.”
Looking back, Jones is uncomfortable going into much detail about his retirement. Even professors critical of Jones in 2006 would not comment for this story. “It was very painful for me,” Jones says. In September 2006, Jones says he was placed on administrative leave. At the time, he says, administration told him he would be able to continue to publicly discuss his research so long as he stopped specifically mentioning Vice President Cheney in connection with his 9/11 claims. Soon after, however, Jones was told the leave was not temporary ad that he was being “offered” early retirement.
Jones questions the timing of being told not to say “Cheney “ and his retirement, “In April of 2007, BYU gave [Cheney] an honorary doctorate degree for public service,” Jones says, referring to Cheney’s 2007 commencement address to BYU. “I think they were rather glad I was not part of the university at that time.”
Yet among all of his critics, its unusual that some of the strongest criticism Jones has received has come from within the “alternative”-9/11-theories crowd itself.
THE DEATH STAR THEORY
“Steve is, by far, the most influential member of [the alternative 9/11 research community],” says James Fetzer, the man who, along with Jones, formed in 2005 the first academic 9/11 group, the Scholars for 9/11 truth. “But, while he likes to think what he practices is science and not politics—its not. And what it is…is completely destructive!”
Fetzer’s beef with Jones arose when he felt Jones was being dismissive of other theories. “I have a Ph.D. in the history and philosophy of science,” Fetzer says. “I know well that scientific inquiry is handicapped if you don’t consider the full range of alternative explanations.”
How broad is this range? For Fetzer, Jones’ controlled-demolition theory unfairly cuts out other ideas, such as the possibility that a directed energy beam, possibly from outer space, hit the towers.
Since Jones’ theory was more ”palatable” than others, Fetzer says Jones won over contributors from the original group into a new group, the Scholars for 9/11 Truth and Justice. Fetzer also claims Jones sabotages a 200 9/11 conference he organized by convincing presenter Frank Greening, a Canadian physicist, not to attend.
While Jones is ordinarily mild-mannered, he quickly grows frustrated hearing Fetzer’s allegations. His good humor disappears, and Jones asks if any theory Fetzer supports can be backed up with an experiment.
Greening sides with Jones. He says he didn’t attend Fetzer’s conference because, at the last minute, Fetzer reneged on covering Greening travel expenses—and not because of anything Jones did. But Greening acknowledges that Jones is more politically savvy that he lets on beneath his good natured, absent-minded-professor facade.
“He comes across as very meek and mild,” Greening says. “I’ve seen another side of him,” Greening says that, while Jones calls for scientific scrutiny of his theories, when actually challenged he becomes defensive and dismissive of scientific criticism.
Greening, who has a Ph.D. in chemistry and 20-plus years’ research experience in radio-analytical chemistry at Ontario Power Generation, says Jones has never seriously considered his arguments.
For one, Greening cites aluminum experts whose research shows that molten aluminum (such as what could have resulted from the melting hear of jet fuel0 falling from extreme heights could have a reaction that would be similar to what Jones attributes to nano-thermite. Greening balks at the experiments Jones uses to refute this claim.
“Jones just gently pored molten aluminum on some rusty grinders, and said, “’I hereby discredit Greening,’” Greening says, pointing out that the experiment called for the aluminum to be dropped from greater than 6 feet. He also notes how Jones quickly leapt to the conclusion that the presence of sulphur in building rubble is evidence of nano-thermite before even considering other sources, such as diesel fuel from the building’s generators. This pattern of jumping to conspiratorial conclusion is what disturbs Greening about Jones’s methods.
“If history proves him correct, people will says he’s a hero, and he stuck to his guns in the face of ridicule and pressure from everyone to drop it,” Greening says. “And I think he sees himself that way, like he’s a prophet of some top secret he’s revealed. The other side of the coin is that his work is sometimes sloppy. He’s stubborn in admitting error and he jumps to conclusions.” (For more of Jones and Greening’s exchanges visit CityWeekly.net)
WE ALL FALL DOWN
Science can be violent. Trying to carve out the truth from conflicting accounts means some theories get cut down, and at times, even the scientist espousing the theory can be silenced.
Cut off from his university hardly means that Jones is done seeking the truth. And while a man of science, his drive to continue his search is as informed by his faith as it ever was.
“The truth cuts its way, and it is getting out,” Jones says, noting his colleague James Farrer is currently giving presentation son the nano-thermite research in Europe.
Yet, even as he pursues the truth, he has serious doubts whether Americans will ever accept his account, and even if they did, if they would ever hold anyone accountable.
“I believe in God, so I know they will be justice some day,” Jones says. “People that allow their leaders to get away with, well, murder—the whole country becomes dues for justice. You see this in the book of Mormon; you see it in the Roman Empire…all these empires get to the point where the tyrant is doing stuff the citizens do nothing and pretty soon….” Jones says, as he wiped his hands apart, “the empire crumbles.”



This wonderful artice was written by Eric S. Peterson for City Weekly. If you wish to contact him his e-mail address is epeterson@cityweekly.net

Now, I realize that's quite a bit to take in all at once, but I think that every single one of you should really think about it. What does your freedom mean to you?
The whole time I was reading this, and typing it, I kept thinking about what I was doing on September 11, and how upset I was even though I was only 11. This is something that everyone will remember, but why will they remember it? Will people remember this generation's 'Day of Infamy' as a horrible terroist attack or as a horrible inside job killing thousands?
I feel it is something worth investigating. Let me know what you all think. :D I want to hear your opinions and ideas!

City Weekly

Hey everybody, you should all try and get a hold of this week's city weekly and read the main article. I thought it was very interesting. What's funny is Jen, KC, and I all had our suspicions but didn't think too much about it when no one around us believed us. We heard about this guy and were really stoked he thought what we thought, a little more in depth and scientific but still. But he's back, and with a vengeance. When I get some time, so either Saturday or Sunday I'll type it up and put it up here for those of you who don't get a chance to read it. HUGS. :D

mind turning.

So quite a lot has happened the past few weeks I see. With me, with my family, with my friends. I'm not even sure what to think about it all except I've been a shitty daughter, sister, and friend. And I'm sorry. I wish we were closer and I plan on working on it. I promise. :D

On a lighter note, I've started talking to an old friend and that's been nice. Its hard sometimes to go back to people when both your lives have changed so much in just a short period of time. But that's how we do. We come and go out of eachothers lives every 6 months or so. It's been like this since I was just a youngin. :D LOL But I am glad we're talking and hanging out again. Hopefully, maybe, things won't dissolve this time. Maybe we can hangout for more than a few months at a time. I wonder why we do that anyway. Hmm... topic we need to think about...

Well tomorrow I'm having girl's day with my mamma and I couldn't be more excited to tell you the truth. I miss her and have a lot to talk about. I feel like I'm going crazy sometimes, but 1-I don't want Jen to get sick of my complaints/nags. 2-there's some people that just don't understand because they don't know the whole story. 3-there's some people that I feel like just judge me, and that's annoying because they have no room to. and 4-my mom's always been there for me, not matter what was going on or how bad I fucked up. And I love her for that, very much.

Another thing I was thinking about today...Do you have someone you look up to? Do they know? Because I do, i have a couple actually, but I don't think I've ever told any of them. I need to get on that. But how do y ou tell them? Do you just come out and say "hey, I really respect you and look up to you." No, that just seems silly. Hmm, I'll have to figure something out.

so confused...

This might have been a bad idea...
I haven't quite decided yet. I think it will be a good idea to get all my thoughts on paper, or screen, and think them through a little better. I also think it is a good idea to go stay at mom's for a few days, I'm missing her. :( This blows. We'll see how things go. I'll keep you posted.

An interesting read...

Since i don't e-mail i thought this would be a good way to share it. :D


The following was written by Ben Stein and recited by him on CBS Sunday Morning Commentary.

My confession : I am a Jew, and every single one of my ancestors was Jewish. And it does not bother me even a little bit when people call those beautiful lit up, bejeweled trees, Christmas trees. I don't feel threatened. I don't feel discriminated against. That's what they are: Christmas trees. It doesn't bother me a bit when people say, 'Merry Christmas' to me. I don't think they are slighting me or getting ready to put me in a ghetto. In fact, I kind of like it. It shows that we are all brothers and sisters celebrating this happy time of year.

It doesn't bother me at all that there is a manger scene on display at a key intersection near my beach house in Malibu If people want a crèche, it's just as fine with me as is the Menorah a few hundred yards away.

I don't like getting pushed around for being a Jew, and I don't think Christians like getting pushed around for being Christians. I think people who believe in God are sick and tired of getting pushed around, period. I have no idea where the concept came from that America is an explicitly atheist country. I can't find it in the Constitution and I don't like it being shoved down my throat.

Or maybe I can put it another way: where did the idea come from that we should worship celebrities and we aren't allowed to worship God as we understand Him? I guess that's a sign that I'm getting old, too.. But there are a lot of us who are wondering where these celebrities came from and where the America we knew went to.

In light of the many jokes we send to one another for a laugh, this is a little different: This is not intended to be a joke; it's not funny, it's intended to get you thinking.

Billy Graham's daughter was interviewed on the Early Show and Jane Clayson asked her 'How could God let something like this happen?' (regarding Katrina) Anne Graham gave an extremely profound and insightful response. She said, 'I believe God is deeply saddened by this, just as we are, but for years we've been telling God to get out of our schools, to get out of our government and to get out of our lives. And being the gentleman He is, I believe He has calmly backed out. How can we expect God to give us His blessing and His protection if we demand He leave us alone?'

In light of recent events... terrorists attack, school shootings, etc. I think it started when Madeleine Murray O'Hare (she was murdered, her body found a few years ago) complained she didn't want prayer in our schools, and we said OK. Then someone said you better not read the Bible in school. The Bible says thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not steal, and love your neighbor as yourself. And we said OK.

Then Dr. Benjamin Spock said we shouldn't spank our children when they misbehave because their little personalities would be warped and we might damage their self-esteem (Dr Spock's son committed suicide). We said an expert should know what he's talking about. And we said OK.

Now we're asking ourselves why our children have no conscience, why they don't know right from wrong, and why it doesn't bother them to kill strangers, their classmates, and themselves.

Probably, if we think about it long and hard enough, we can figure it out. I think it has a great deal to do with 'WE REAP WHAT WE SOW.'

Funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the world's going to hell. Funny how we believe what the newspapers say, but question what the Bible says. Funny how you can send 'jokes' through e-mail and they spread like wildfire but when you start sending messages regarding the Lord, people think twice about sharing. Funny how lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene articles pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion of God is suppressed in the school and workplace.

Are you laughing yet?

Funny how when you forward this message, you will not send it to many on your address list because you're not sure what they believe, or what they will think of you for sending it.

Funny how we can be more worried about what other people think of us than what God thinks of us.

Pass it on if you think it has merit. If not then just discard it... no one will know you did. But, if you discard this thought process, don't sit back and complain about what bad shape the world is in.

My Best Regards, Honestly and respectfully,
Ben Stein

one of the best days ever. :D

Scott decided to surprise me with a little mini vacation. :D He took me to a bed and breakfast up the Huntsville. It was the sweetest thing any one's ever done for me. We drove up there and settled in, then decided to take the bikes we rented out for a cruise. Oh my goodness I want one so bad now. LOL Then we decided to go to the beach for a bit, and he brought out this cute little beach grill that we have been planning on buying for a while. Took a little swimmy, grilled some burgers, and then went back to the hotel thingy. We played pool for a while, and I got to play with their dog. He was the cutest thing! And so lovey. :D After all that rough pool playing, ahahaha not, we got in the hot tub. And here's the best part. after the hot tub we went upstairs, changed clothes, took the bikes out, and went down to the beach at like midnight. It was so much fun. :D except when i almost hit the gate, that wasn't so funny. LOL Oh and i almost forgot, he got me some new perfume, which I absolutely love!!! :D

Well we have a wonderful rest of the week planned out. Movie tonight, concert in the park tomorrow, boating on thursday, and fireworks on friday. Then he leaves me on Monday. :( Hopefully next week goes by fast.)