Ugh. So much is going on right now and I just want it all to stop. I want to just crawl into bed and wake up in a few weeks. There would be snow on the ground, christmas would be right around the corner, and I'd be with my family. The only people I can count on lately. I am so lucky to have them in my life. And I'm so grateful for them. I'm sure I don't say it enough, but I am very grateful for them. I thank God every day for my parents, my brothers and sisters, and the rest of my amazing family.
You know what else would be good? If I could go back a year and do things over. I would do so much different! It's crazy to think of the things you did just 12 months ago thinking they were a good idea. And then when you look back all you can say is; "SHIIIT! I really fucked that up didn't I?" It's so hard to think about things like that though, because you can't do anything to change it. But I guess we can learn from it right? That's what life is all about isn't it? Making mistakes and growing and learning from them?
I have learned something the past couple weeks though. I realized my priorities were all out of whack. God is my first priority. Then my family and loved ones. Then me. I hope I can stick with it.
I am so damn sick of people talking behind my back. Fuck. It's fucking getting old. For real. And most of the people talking shit have a good 5-6 years on me! GROW THE FUCK UP! Seriously. How old are you? Did you get stuck in high school or something. Or are you just so bored with your life that you need to talk about mine?
Right now i wish i had my mother's strength to just say fuck it to everything. I'm not as strong as her though, not even close. I hope that one day i can be. What happened to the mean little bitch i used to be in high school who didn't give two shits about anybody or what they said? where did that girl go? I'd like for her to come back now please.
I wish crying made everything better. I wish it washed all the bad stuff away.
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